What does it mean to heal?
In order to begin conceptualizing the healing process, it is valuable to get clear on the definition of healing. Within the work that I facilitate with my clients, I focus on the ability to experience the unpredictability of life in a courageous way that fosters movement beyond imposed limitation.
This represents healing in that we are no longer burdened by the pain of the past and we are present enough with our reality – right here and right now – in order to make decisions that will benefit us and most importantly, cultivate a sense of safety as we continue to navigate our lives.
Healing is acceptance of the past in order to create a different future.
Cultivating healing is to prepare the self to face the unknown nature of life in addition to creating radical acceptance with the past. When considering how we face our lives with courage and a sense of safety, I draw upon the work of Stephen Porges who asserts what is colloquially known as “the science of safety” in his Polyvagal Theory.
This theory asserts that as individuals, we all have a window of tolerance (WOT) and within this WOT we are able to respond adaptively to stress that we encounter – either by coping or creating solutions. When we feel incredibly unsafe, or encounter traumatic circumstances we can be pushed outside of our WOT creating disembodied adaptations to these circumstances (i.e. intense and radical reactions due to a desire to feel safer in the moment, that do not create safety in the long term).
Over time if we experience chronic or continued stress outside of our WOT we can experience increased disorientation of our cognitive functioning and it is challenging to have adaptive or hopeful perceptions of the world around us – which would perceivably validate being closed off from opportunity and the prospect of change or development.
This perspective allows us to observe how we respond to perceived danger, and describes how our autonomic nervous system attempts to regulate in order for us to feel a sense of safety — In addition to the imprints that are left upon us as we navigate challenges.
According to Porges, when we are safe we activate our social engagement system (this is referenced as the Ventral Vagal Complex) which increases social engagement and positive attunement to environments (i.e. creating perceptions of safety). When we sense danger, our sympathetic nervous system becomes active creating mobilization towards fight or flight responses. These responses are based upon the level of threat that we determine and what we consider will create a sensation of safety in the most immediate sense. When life threatening circumstances are sensed, we activate less evolutionarily evolved and instinctual responses to intense danger. This is referenced as the Dorsal Vagal Complex that supports immobilization behaviors that allow us to shut down when danger is too extreme.
Ventral Vagal Complex > Social Engagement
Sympathetic Nervous System > Mobilization
Dorsal Vagal Complex > Immobilization
Our WOT is bracketed by states of hyperarousal and hypoarousal that respectively define if we are being pushed into states of anxiousness due to triggers, or if we are encouraged to become numb in the face of increased challenge. Being able to navigate within the middle of this range, we are better able to establish a stable sense of inner safety – not to assume that we are invincible from danger, but within our WOT we are able to feel a sense of confidence that we will be able to manage and regulate in the face of external stressors. In opposition to this sense of safety, navigating outside of our WOT for too long (i.e. experiencing and having to manage constant and severe distress) disrupts our cognitive functioning and we struggle with seeing the world as a safe place as we have been conditioned by experience to develop the perception that it is not.
Understanding this as a concept is a window to be able to better observe what it means to heal, when healing is conceptualized as an ability to be able to respond to life’s unpredictable moments with present moment awareness apart from memories and narratives of past pain.
Now different questions arise: How do I widen my WOT in order to be able to experience life in a present oriented way without the attachments of the past? Don't the attachments of the past keep me safe? If I forget about what has caused me pain, won't it enter my life yet again and create cyclical pain and tension?
Widening the window of tolerance is attainable, and requires commitment and compassion. Additionally, the act of remaining attached to memories of past pain with the anticipation that it creates for future safety, is keeping you stuck exactly where your mind is focused – in the painful past, cyclically.
To begin a process of discovering where you are and what could be helpful as you navigate your own life:
Here are some indicators that your WOT is narrow:
You are easily unbalanced/triggered
Remember there is no “normal” here amongst an incredibly large set of human experiences, but easily unbalanced can refer to an experience of being thrown off your feeling of equilibrium for something that is objectively inconsequential in context.
Responses to stimuli might be disproportionate to the stimuli
Intricate problems are not solved by brute solutions. Proportionate responses take consideration and intentionality
Disproportionate responses are often, not always — quick, fast, impulsive, and disregard the context in which the stimuli is arising
You experience hypervigilance
Its is difficult for you to rest in reality with acceptance, and you are continually experiencing a sensation of being on guard for danger that you feel is awaiting you.
Note: Recognizing a narrow WOT does not imply that you are a flawed individual. It simply dictates that your external environments have not allowed you to develop a sense of safety due to constant negative stimuli
Here are a list of practical strategies in order to widen the WOT and work to cultivate a sensation of safety:
Practicing Mindfulness
Mindfulness cultivates an awareness of the present moment without judgment and this has the prospect of facilitating acceptance of the present moment. Continually placing your focus within the here and now can disempower, even if momentarily, the narratives that exist that you hold over your life.
This process is important because it can get you in touch with what you are telling yourself your life is, relative to experiential realities that can not be refuted.
As mindfulness is a process that occurs beyond pre-conceptual awareness, it is important to note that it is a destination that can have many pathways to entry contingent upon the individual. Read more here in my article on developing your mindfulness practice.
Somatic Practices
Somatic practices relate to the body and can tap directly into the physiological aspects of the WOT. Somatic practices can encourage us to experiment with holding space for tension as we simultaneously hold space for relaxation.
Somatic practices exist is many different forms, and my personal favorite is yoga. Within yoga, certain poses will cultivate tension while there is simultaneous focus breathing through the newness of bodily positioning that is unfamiliar.
This process cultivates balance as we learn to be with what is creating a manageable level of tension, as we meet that tension with breath, and stillness.
A colloquially referenced benefit of yoga is “Taking it off the mat” – meaning that this process of compassionately being with tension within the body can allow us to also be with mental tension in our daily lives in a similar fashion — upon frequent practice.
Building Social Connections
Social connections represent the opportunity for us to build new pathways to cultivate trust, love, acceptance and validation.
This does not imply that all social connections will present you with this opportunity, yet connections within safe environments allow us to feel a greater sense of attunement to the world around us.
Staying connected to community (even if small) gives us an opportunity to be seen, to be validated, to explore newness with confidence, and to develop new positive adaptations to our world.
Last yet not least, therapy can be profoundly beneficial in expanding the window of tolerance. Therapy can give you an opportunity to understand these concepts in a way that are individualized to you, and discover what your progress through these aforementioned paradigms can look like. If you are interested in learning more about the information presented here or would like to schedule a free consultation click here.
This information has not only been valuable to the clients that I have worked with, but have been crucial to my navigation through the joyous unpredictabilities of life – a journey that is continually ongoing.
If you found this information beneficial, subscribe this this newsletter in the footer below and feel free to share with a loved one who might also benefit!
